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WHY DIVORCE IS WRONG-When It Is Allowed
By Steven Garofalo January 10, 2022 (Copyright 2023)
A friend of mine is going through a sad divorce. His wife never liked accountability and as a result seems to want both men, or at least not not him as his wife any longer. I am going to show you biblically that when infidelity occurs in a marriage, the marriage covenant or “oath” is officially “broken” and cannot be repaired.
Matthew 5:27-37 is the specific passage I want to focus on today. Matthew 5:32 makes clear that divorce is not allowed for Christians “except on the ground of sexual immorality” (see Matthew 19:3-9). Also Mark 10:2-12, and Luke 16:18 for Jesus’ teaching on divorce. I will provide you three specific times when divorce is allowed, but overwhelmingly, divorce is almost exclusively disallowed except for unchastity, which may mean:
1) Adultery, meaning cheating on one’s husband or wife taken in marriage through covenant before God.
2) Unfaithfulness during the period of “betrothal” (see 1:19)-this is a period of time of engagement or betrothal, that in the the times of Jesus, was customarily considered as if married already and would need an official divorce to break it off. That is based on Genesis 29:21 and Deut. 22:23-30).
3) Third and lastly, divorce would be allowed if a marriage was found to be between near relatives Leviticus 18 and acts 15:29 speaks to this. This is a very rare recluse area which does not apply the vast majority of the world’s population.
Going back to Matthew 5, what intrigued me about this passage is that Jesus addresses the law of adultery in Matthew 5:27-30 and then summarizes the law of divorce in verses 31 and 32. But then, Jesus does something unexpected in that he goes right into “The law of oaths” in verses 33-37. I believe this is by no accident in that the marriage covenant is clearly an oath. As such, Jesus wants us to know the “why” behind God’s law making divorce a no-no unless that covenant oath is broken. Than, Jesus explains to us the importance of an oath in relation to the marriage covenant as well as all oaths we may make and why breaking an oath is a serious offense in God’s eyes. Jesus warns us strictly not to “swear falsely” in taking an oath and the marriage covenant. The law is broken and the offense is taken against god himself when one “perjure’s himself or herself.
Oath’s taken in the name of the lord were binding in biblical times, and perjury-meaning to break that oath was strongly condemned in the law (see ex. 20:7; Lev. 19:12; and Deut. 1916-19). Every oath in biblical times contained an affirmation or promise and an appeal to God as the omniscient punisher of falsehoods, which made the oath binding. I would assert, the same is true for you and i in the 21st Century. Why do i say that? Because is immutable, meaning he is unchanging. An oath is based on fidelity and truth, and to believe that the grace of Jesus makes breaking an oath and failing to adhere to the truth of god is “OK” is simply wrong, unbiblical, and of great offense to the persons between the oath was taken and to God himself. Remember Joseph fled Potiphar’s wife trying to trap him in adultery. In her lust she said to Joseph after she grabbled his garment, saying, “lie with me” in verse 7. Picking up in verses 8-9 the bible says: “But he refused and said to his master’s wife, “behold, because of me my master has no concern about anything in the house, and he has put everything that he has in my charge. He is no greater in this house than I am, nor has he kept back anything from me except you, because you are his wife. How then can i do this great wickedness and sin against God?”
Three major things are going on: number one, Potiphar’s wife is trying to lustfully trap Joseph and cause his to commit adultery. Number two, Joseph is trying to explain that the importance of his assumed oath to Potiphar includes his fidelity to Potiphar, to his office, and certainly to the respond of Potiphar’s wife. Joseph makes clear that he does not want to and will not break the trust of oath he gave his boss, Potiphar, ruler of the land. Third and lastly, Joseph makes clear as an exclamation mark this: “How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God? (v.9b). You see in the end, to break the oath to Potiphar was to harm and violate his agreement and relationship with Potiphar. But above his relationship with Potiphar was his sober understanding that above all things in heaven and on earth, to commit adultery is to break his oath-and to break that oath was in the words of the Bible, “Great wickedness and sin against God”. Joseph’s strength in refusing these advances were fueled by his loyalty to his master and even more significantly, his recognition that the lord was indeed with him. Here, Joseph made clear that to break this oath through adultery is a “sin against God”. Here Joseph not only stood up for his ethical beliefs, but he also told a woman who probably believed in many "god’s" (polytheism) about the the righteousness of the only true God.
In closing, the biblical view of divorce is not one to taken lightly, and the only allows for divorce in the case of infidelity. Why? Because the “marriage” covenant” or “oath” taken and given before God, before the church, family, friends and the public has been broken. Once broken, an covenant cannot be fixed. It must be eliminated, and if both parties decide to re-marry, they must be re-married afresh, creating a new covenant. God does not play around with our taking an oath and the marriage covenant and when broken, it’s a major offense and violation against God and those we entered into the oath covenant with. The good news is that God does allow for u-turns, but they must be authentic in heart, mind and action. I trust you will take this subject seriously in our culture accepts divorce on the grounds of incompatibility or any other reason other other than breaking of God’s covenant oath.
Steven Garofalo, January 1, 2023
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