“THE TONGUE IS YOUR BEST DEFENSE”
All human beings who have the ability to speak have the choice to use their words (tongue) to speak good or evil, blessing or curse, to uplift or tear down. “Death and life are the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).
Today, I want to show you that in our sinful and dangerous world, that the tongue is often our best source of self-defense. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15;1).
A couple of years ago, I experienced road rage while in route to a speaking engagement. I was scheduled as one of the first speakers that morning and was in a bit of a hurry. At a very busy intersection, I didn’t see the car behind the car in front of me on the other side of the road and accidentally cut off the gentleman driving that car. As a result, the man became unhinged in a way I had not seen since my college days. The man was cursing me with the most foul language as he passed me on the opposite side of the road and tried to pull me over and force me to stop. At one point, he stopped in the middle of the road (in front of a school) and tried to stop my vehicle, forcing me to drive around him on the opposite side of the road in the school zone. A short time later, at a very busy, major intersection in rush hour traffic with packed with cars, the light was red. The man unwisely got out of his car and approached my vehicle. I had thought through and rehearsed in my mind many times over what what I would do in a such a scenario (from a self-defence perspective) due to the fact that I am licensed to carry a weapon through the State of North Carolina.
I have had my carry and conceal license for over 20 years and have thought through when-if ever, I might draw my weapon (pistol) in self defense when/while in my vehicle. My plan was clear in that I would never draw my pistol unless I had no other option, meaning that I could not get away from, or escape the threat. In my motor vehicle, this meant that I would only draw my weapon if I was unable to move my car forwards, backward, left or right. In this case, I was boxed in by traffic and had no where to go. The man physically approached my car and started taking pictures and yelling at the top of his lungs at me. With nowhere to go, I very calmly drew my pistol from my holster but did NOT point it at him. With finger off the trigger (on the slide), I rolled my window down so that he could see my face, giving him the ability to be heard verbally and communicate with me if he wished, I in turn communicated two things. First, I was remaining calm and would not return insult "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing" (1 Peter 3:9).
Second, I wanted him tounderstand that he clearly had become a physical threat to me in an effort to de-escalate and stop his rampage from moving to a physically violent level. Had I cursed him back, he may have stopped as most bullies do, but it very well may have caused him to increase in anger. Saying not a word, I calmly put the pistol sideways on my chest pointing down again not pointing it at him or in the direction of any other cars or pedestrians-safely signaling to the gentleman that I was armed should he decide to escalate and physically attack me.
Thankfully he immediately stopped in his tracks and backed up, realizing that he had become emotionally unhinged in front of countless people in cars all around us who were now loudly beeping their horns at him. While still screaming at me, he retreated to his vehicle as I remained perfectly calm. I would have and would have called the police if I had to point the weapon and I had to speak in 90 minutes so I let it go and went onto my speaking engagement.
When I got home that night I told my wife that I didn’t think this man was a bad guy, but a guy under serious emotional distress (possibly with some serious anger issues) from the world pressures and stress-of a post Covid world and an economy in shambles. I prayed about it quite often and the Lord gave me the sense that I would bump into this gentleman again at some point; and that I was to share the gospel with him if God was to open that door. Sure enough, a month later, while coming out of supermarket, I came out carrying two bags of grocery, and what do you know, he was parked right next to my car. His trunk was up so as to not expose his license plate (which I had obtained already at the original incident). I am confident he knew it was my vehicle.
I got into my car as he was on his cell phone, leaving his trunk up the whole time looking periodically over at me. As I proceeded to drive away , I went about 50 feet or so I felt the Lord signaling for me to turn around and speak withthisnman. I circled around and rolled my windows down and kindly said to him with a soft-smile and a "soft tongue", “Are you the gentleman that I accidentally cut off in traffic”?
I remembered God’s wisdom that a gentle tongue has the ability to calm anger and thwart threats. In my opinion, it didn’t really matter who cut who off but now the situation would be handled and of God would be glorified in such an extreme moment. I spoke to him with a calm and loving spirit, as I knew he was wrong in how he had reacted. While I cut him off, I had not done so on purpose. The intersection is a very bad and confusing intersection to say the least.
I was pleasantly surprised as to his response in that he immediately started apologizing. He made the point to communicate that his family escaped from Cuba and lost every thing they to start over. He said this because (most likely) for two reasons. First, my ministry website states that my father came from Sicily to start a new life in America for much the same reason. Second, I saw his response in part as part of his emotional stress regarding all things political and economical going on in our country. He continued to authentically apologize and I apologized to him for accidentally cutting him off.
He said that he had pulled his car over after the event and prayed. I gave him a big hug, my business card, a copy of my book, “All Roads Don’t Lead To Heaven” with a smile and asked him to please contact me some time so that we can grab a coffee. A guy who owns up to such an incident is a guy I can respect. The main thing at that point was my witness for Jesus Christ. He still has not called me, but if he does, I will join him for a coffee. Isn’t that what Jesus would do?
SO WHAT?
In application for you and I today, the lesson is that sometimes a harsh answer is in line when in a dangerous situation but in most cases a gentle word turns away and stops a threat. For example, a person is about to get hit by a car or in a split moment-you have to yell at them to stop them from physical or verbal harm. Sometimes the tongue needs to be loud and firm-but not disrespectful in a wrong way. When physically threatened a soft tongue may or may not be the best response. I personally have been in numerous self-defense situations where I have was taken off guard and had to use a harsh-quick tongue (but very rarely). Ninety five percent of the time or more, a soft, focussed tongue can defuse, redirect or even eliminate a threat.
This begs the question as to what is a “soft tongue”. A soft tongue is not passive in a way that provokes an attacker to see you as weak. A soft answer, when focussed, stern, and not angry or provoking can be very effective in neutralizing a threat. A CALM RATIONAL answer that is STERN will project an inner strength and confidence that often distills the situation and instills a sense of equilibrium in the other person.
To be fair, there are times that, despite how you respond, the other person will continue to come after you. This may be a person who may be: Under severe stress; under the influence of drugs or alcohol; emotionally unstable; or one who feels that you offended or mistreated them to the point that they are no longer in control of their emotions.
The Bible instructs us clearly on how best to handle such people and such situations. I selected Proverbs 15 today as our main text because the Proverbs are “wisdom literature”. Wisdom literature does not mean "IF” you do X “THAN” you will get Y. It simply means that in general it’s wise to act in this way. And, if you do so, the likely outcome will most likely be the best outcome in the way the Bible describes. Remember, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
LET'S RECAP:
FIRST: We talked lead about a “SOFT” or better yet, calm, rational, stern but strong answer as being the best-first response to a threat or a person treating you unfairly or aggressively when and if possible.
SECOND: By having thought out in advance what you might or might not do in certain self-defense situations, you will be much more logical, rational and calm as opposed to emotional in your response. In most cases, an emotionally out of control person is not being driven by facts, character, or a true understanding or knowledge of the Scriptures. We must be aware that there are criminals who seek out people who are not paying attention to or aware of their surrounds in an effort to take them off-guard and evoke in them a sense of helplessness. We should all be aware of our surroundings all times when in public.
THIRD AND LASTLY: it’s impossible in a self-defense situation to think through every single scenario; but we can do our best for when (not if) such a time comes.
The moral of this story is this: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). In the case of the road rage I experienced, I am glad that by God's Grace, I chose a soft but firm answer as opposed to an angry one. I credit the power and God and presence of the Holy Spirit as being with me in that moment. The serious truth is that an angry person with an out of control anger issue can be dangerous. Two angry people are even worst because there is nothing to keep either tongue in check. As a result, things can quickly escalate and lead to a physical altercation and harm. As Christians, let’s make sure that we are ready to use our tongue to as our first line of defense in all cases.
By doing so this will lead us honor God before others and give us a powerful witness for Jesus Christ. It will also protect us from a moral and physical error-physically, spiritually and emotionally. The second verse in Proverbs 15 goes on to say, “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly”. The words “commends knowledge” means to use our words skillfully. For by dong so, we make them desirable. We are to use our words skillfully, making them desirable whenever possible, even when we are opposed. Finally, verse four goes on to say that, “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit”. The word “gentle” literally means “healing”, like the tree of life (see 3:18). In other words, we can bring healing to the other person by modeling a calm spirit by the Power of God, through Jesus Christ, with the power of the Holy Spirit. And that should be the goal for all of us.
In conclusion, the tongue in most cases is our living witness to an unsaved world. James 1:26 says, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless”. More simply put, if we don’t bridle out tongue, we lose our witness for Jesus Christ and will be accountable before God for doing so. In our sinful and sometimes dangerous world, the tongue is our best first line-mode of self-defense when used properly (biblically). Sometimes a harsh answer is in line when in a dangerous situation, but in many if not most cases, a soft, focussed tongue can defuse, redirect and even stop a threat. I want to reiterate that a “soft tongue” is not passive in a way that would provoke an attacker to verbally or physically become more aggressive towards us. A soft answer simply put, is focussed, stern, and not angry or provoking. It’s means having a CALM and RATIONAL spirit that projects a biblical strength and spirit that is filled with the Holy Spirit that gives us an inner strength and confidence that can produce a calmness in the other person.
Keep in mind that there are times that, despite how we respond, the other person may continue to come after us verbally or even physically. Let’s take into account that such a person may be under severe stress, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, emotionally unstable, or may have been offended by something they perceive as offensive to them. Our response needs to be in line with God’s Word. And if necessary, we may need to escalate if necessary to protect ourselves or those around us.
The GOOD NEWS is that the Bible clearly instructs us how to act and react, and how best to handle people in such situations. The tongue is not always able to calm an angry heart and mind-that is a subject all its own. What we see in God’s Word through Proverbs is the age old wisdom that “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”. If we are willing and able to do this, the likely outcome in many if not most cases will be the best outcome for us, the other person, and to the the glory of God.
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